Apple is doomed because no one wants to wait for anything

Slow and steady wins the race. At least that’s what the Vision Pro team seems to be banking on.

And, hey, it’s worked out for Apple on any number of occasions. It’s hard to think back that far now when history seems to be on some sort of speed run–look, history, the Macalope watched the guy who finished the “Breath of the Wild” in 34 minutes and while it was impressive it’s really not the best way to enjoy the game, okay?–but the rollout of the iPod was not exactly blazingly fast. iTunes for Windows didn’t come out until two years after the original iPod.

The Apple Watch was also not an instant hit. In fact, the Macalope is old enough to remember when it was a “flop”, by which he is old enough to have had object permanence for at least 10 years. Well, most of those 10 years anyway. The Apple Watch Series 0 was announced in 2014, released in 2015, and updated the following year, but it was several years before it was a verifiable hit.

So, when you read the following headlines about Apple’s Vision lineup, don’t panic. (God knows there are enough other things to panic about.) Now, let us review the carnage!

“Kuo: Cheaper ‘Apple Vision’ headset delayed beyond 2027”

A cheaper Vision product would do a lot to increase the install base which, in turn, would do a lot to increase the content for the device. Sadly, it seems this virtuous cycle has some flat tires.

It seems even that Apple isn’t quite sure either what it wants the next device to be or what it can be.

“Apple is ‘seriously considering’ Vision device that offloads compute to your iPhone”

We’re thinking about it! We’re also thinking about a steampunk version that runs on a coal-fired backpack! We’ve all kinds of wacky ideas! DON’T TOUCH ME!

The company also apparently saw that same Meta demo we and the entire tech press saw and was wowed by because it’s mumbling to itself “Should we do that?”

“Apple’s Internal Survey About Smart Glasses Hints at Future Product Plans”

As for the updated Vision Pro, that also may be delayed.

“Apple Vision Pro 2 With M5 Chip May Not Launch Until 2026”

Hey, by 2026 the idea of strapping a device on our heads and disappearing into a fabricated reality might be something everyone would be willing to throw $3,500 at.

Apple Store employee: But, sir, that’s the last of your savings! You’ll starve!

Customer: GIVE ME THE HEADSET!

Apart from rumors, other signs indicate the company is retrenching on the Vision Pro a bit.

“Apple Consolidating Vision Pro Demo Areas in Stores Amid Rumors of Slowing Sales and Reduced Production”

“Go to the back of the Store. There’s a guy in a trench coat. Tell him Randy sent you.”

The Macalope is ribbing the company a little bit for its current seeming uncertainty of what to make and when to deliver it but, then, who doesn’t have some uncertainty in these uncertain times? I know I do. I think. I dunno. Anyway, the good news is that Apple has all the pieces to be a major contender here. Say what you will about the Vision Pro…

“It’s too expensive.”

“The eyeballs are goofy.”

“It’s yet another isolating device in an increasingly isolating world.”

“It smells like-“

Okay, okay, okay. That was rhetorical. How did you even get in here? Anyway, the Vision Pro may not be perfect, but it is without a doubt a genuine display of Apple’s technical capabilities. The only thing the company is trying to figure out is what the market actually wants. Everyone ooh-ed and ahhh-ed over Meta’s smart glasses, but recall that people also thought they wanted netbooks.

Amongst other things that they got that they might come to regret.

Still, the company certainly hasn’t given up on the Vision Pro. Here it is plugging away at making more content available for the device.

“Apple releasing Vision Pro immersive music experience from The Weeknd this Thursday”

Content, after all, is the grease that makes the ecosystem work. (Ecosystems need grease, right?)

Apple’s track record tells us the company has time to figure out the right mix here. And the device it’s released already tells us it can make whatever that is.